Nursery Rhyme Rewritten: Jack and Jill

The classic children rhyme "Jack and Jill"

Jack and Jill

Went up the hill

To fetch a pail of water.

Jack fell down

And broke his crown

And Jill came tumbling after.

A modern adult version *

Version #1

Jack and Jill 

Sailed to Brazil

To taste a bit of almond.

Jack went nuts

And hurt his guts.

And Jill blurted she's pregnant.

Version #2

Jack and Jill 

Went to the drill

To join the army corps.

Jack got shot

And she was not

And Jill became a boss.

Version #3

Jack and Jill 

Went down the mill

To see how flour is made.

Jack got caught 

And turned to clot

And Jill said "What a waste!"

Version #4

Jack and Jill 

Went to the Nile 

to see a crocodile.

Jack got bit 

And lost his lip

And Jill tried hard not to smile.

* Remember that traditional children rhymes or bedtime stories are often contained violent imageries like Jack broke his crown, and Jill tumbling after. And Cinderella are full of cruelties and others contain betrayals, greed, children being eaten and many other horrors. Some say this is deliberate so to prepare the children for harsh adulthood or simply to satisfy our thirst to be frightened. Surely the adult version can be a bit more direct and graphic?